Author’s Note: This poem provides a window into my worldview while I was suffering from an eating disorder and as I made my way towards recovery. As someone who has made great progress in my own recovery, I hope that this poem will empower readers who have or think they may have a similar disorder by fostering a sense of understanding and hope for rehabilitation.
Shoulder blades cut my gaze
Like the sharpness of guilt.
Eyes that ingest
That which our minds deny.
Instinct has no place
When nourishment means failure.
Fearing excess,
We indulge in discipline.
Together, we fade,
Twist to fit the template.
We excel at beauty:
Neglect “desire”.
Intangible hands outstretched,
Quantifying steps towards
Infinity.
Living numerically -
Living?
The well-trained brain
Resists sustenance,
Maintains its reign,
Deprives us of will.
We live in lonely solidarity -
Consuming attention,
Feigning satiation,
Digesting hope.
____________________
I gaze at shoulder blades,
Ruminate on guilt.
My body reclaims
The life my mind denied.
