Let’s be honest, many of us are not practicing safe sex. The majority of research about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) focuses on sexual activity between cis men and women, and queer women have traditionally been viewed as a “low- or no-risk category” for the transmission of most common STIs. This leads to misperceptions that queer women do not need to be vigilant about practicing safe sex and regularly talking to their doctors about STIs and other issues STIs may cause.
It’s not just medical research that sustains ignorant myths about sexual health. Both of us have repeatedly heard safer sex practices be made into a joke among queer women, who make decisions using inaccurate information and assume that their partner(s) are living without STIs.
Many queer women are already living with STIs, and addressing your own sexual health (no matter who you are) is necessary to destigmatize STIs and increase awareness about the importance of sexual health. This guide hopes to address STIs beyond the usual limited frameworks which pathologize these diseases and marginalizes those of us who have them. We created this guide with the understanding that sexual health and safer sex practices are not solely about preventing STIs, but are more importantly about engaging in healthy and consensual sexual activity whether or not any partners have an STI.
* As two queer cis women, we are writing from our own research and experience. While we do not make any assumptions about the bodies of queer women and their partners, we recognize that this article does not explicitly address sexual health for trans women, trans men, and non-binary folks. Although many of the safer sex practices described here are relevant to anyone who is/has been sexually active, more research needs to be done that centers on how other identities, such as gender, race, class, and citizenship, impact access to sexual health services.
** Please keep in mind that this is not a comprehensive guide to safer sex practices and neither of us has experience practicing health care or studying sexual health. This guide is meant to provide resources and to start conversations.
Get tested
From heterosexist, and often, white cis male doctors to anxiety-producing and expensive medical bills that may be sent home to parents, it can be difficult for queer women to regularly access sexual health services. But don’t let these obstacles stop you from taking responsibility and being proactive about your sexual health.
Screenings are recommended for all people who are over 18, or who have been/are sexually active. If you are sexually active, get tested for STIs every three months and with each new partner. If you are 21 or older and for people with cervixes, annual PAP smears are strongly recommended in order to observe abnormal cell changes that could indicate the presence of Human Papilloma Virus (HPV). Because HPV can be transmitted through skin to skin contact and is very common among people who are/have been sexually active, regular physical exams and monitoring of their HPV status is highly recommended. While many of the strains are benign, a prolonged history of certain types of HPV has been strongly linked to cervical cancer and less strongly linked to penile cancer, vulvar cancer, vaginal cancer, mouth and throat cancer, and anal cancer.
Health Services at Vassar (Baldwin) provides sexual health services and STI testing. If you are worried about the medical bill being sent to your non-Vassar address, make sure you ask your provider where the bill will be sent and what it will say.
Communicate
Consent and communication are essential. Talk to your partner(s) about their sexual health histories and current statuses. Honesty is crucial, as is trust (be vigilant about who you trust and who you sleep with, because some people lie and/or give people shit on purpose).
Below is a suggested list of questions to go over between you and your partner(s):
- When were you last tested? How often do you get tested? Can I see documentation of the results?
- What is your current STI status?
- How will we talk to each other about STIs and how frequently?
- Do you have other sexual partners? What kinds of safer sex practices do you use with them? How frequently and readily do they disclose information about their sexual health with you?
Wash your hands
Wash your hands thoroughly before and after being intimate. A good rule to follow is: one person’s fluid per hand (don’t touch your partner’s fluids and then touch yourself without washing in between).
Use barriers
Latex barriers, such as dental dams, condoms, and latex gloves, can reduce the likelihood of STI transmission between partners. Always use water-based lube with latex barriers, and avoid condoms with spermicide (like nonoxynol-9). Spermicide can cause irritation and micro-abrasions, which increases the likelihood of STI transmission.
However, barriers do not eliminate the possibility of STI transmission. While some STIs are only transmitted when bodily fluids (such as blood, genital secretions, and breast milk) that contain an STI enter the bloodstream, some can be passed through sex toys, oral sex, skin to skin contact, and genital contact.
Reduce micro-abrasions
Small cuts and abrasions (on fingers, genitals, and in the mouth) can increase the likelihood that an STI will enter the bloodstream. As stated above, latex barriers can be effective ways to decrease contact with fluids that may have the presence of STIs. Latex gloves can be particularly useful if you have small cuts or sores on your fingers. Additionally, using lube is an important safe sex practice because it reduces the likelihood of micro-abrasions caused by friction.
Lube
All lubes are not created equal. It is important to figure out which one works best for you, your partner(s), and your sexual practices. Remember to use a small amount on your skin first to test for an allergic reaction. Below are some other important considerations for different kinds of lubes:
- Water- based lubes are the most common and are easily cleaned up with water. These lubes are safe to use with sex toys and latex barriers, but may need more frequent reapplication. Look for petrochemical, paraben, and glycerin-free water-based lubes since they cause the least irritation. Examples include, K-Y Ultra Gel and Liquid Silk.
- Silicone-based lubes need to be reapplied less often, but are less easily cleaned up (use soap and water). These lubes can’t be used with silicone sex toys, but can be used with latex products. Examples include, Pjur Woman Bodyglide and Uberlube.
- Oil- based lubes tend to be messier and difficult to clean. They also cannot be used with latex or rubber products and toys. Examples include, Vaseline and vitamin E oil.
- Flavored lubes and/or lubes with glycerin can cause yeast infections and irritation if you have a vagina, which can make STI transmission easier.
- In general, unflavored, unscented water-based lube without glycerine is the least likely to cause irritation or allergic reaction. These are also the best to use with condoms, dental dams, and latex gloves.
Sex Toys
When sharing sex toys, always use a condom if the sex toy cannot be disinfected. Wash properly with soap and water after each use and before switching partners.
Similar to lube, sex toys have a lot of variation and each kind must be properly cared for. Below are some recommendations for sex toys made of different materials:
- Jelly rubber sex toys and other porous toys which cannot be properly disinfected should be avoided. They also contain toxic substances which can cause damage to your organs (phthalates).
- Silicone toys can be properly disinfected with soap and warm water, or by being placed in the dishwasher or in boiling water for a few minutes. Be sure to remove batteries first. However, silicone toys cannot be used with other silicone products (lube, condoms, etc.).
- TPE/Elastomer toys are slightly porous, which hinders disinfection. Wash with soap and warm water after use.
- Sex toys made of hard materials (i.e. glass, metal, etc.) are phthalate free and should be cleaned with soap and warm water. Toys made of glass or metal can be boiled for 5-10 minutes or cleaned in the dishwasher, while hard plastic, acrylic, lucite, and ceramic toys cannot.
Some On-Campus Resources
- LGBTQ Center: Sex supplies and information
- Women’s Center: Sex supplies and information
- Women’s Health Service: in Baldwin from 9am-noon and 1-4pm Monday through Friday. Call 845 437 5818 to make an appointment.
- STI testing and treatment
- Routine gynecological exams (Pap smear, HPV testing) as well as diagnosis and treatment of most gynecological problems
- HPV immunization
- birth control & counseling
- CHOICE: provides free condoms, latex gloves, dental dams, and lubricant. email [email protected] with mailbox number.
As a member of CHOICE, I’m really happy this article was written. However, silicone-based lube is considered safer than water-based lube because water-based lube dissolves in water environments (the shower, the pool, etc.) Silicone-based lube can be used in any situation except with silicone sex toys. Please correct these statements in your article so people are better informed.